Why doesn't my wife get jealous

No jealousy? Why that can harm love

"You are seeing your ex-boyfriend? No problem!" And while he is saying that, he shows no trace of jealousy. Is that to be equated with indifference? Or is non-jealousy the secret of a good relationship? A psychologist reveals why some people are never jealous - and why that is not so good for the relationship.

Alert signal for the relationship

A relationship without jealousy. That may sound modern and tolerant, "but it is also not the yellow of the egg," says Dr. Wolfgang Krüger, psychotherapist and author of the book "The Secret of Faithfulness". On the contrary: "A lack of jealousy can be just as much a problem for the relationship as excessive doubts," explains the psychologist. Because, like fear, jealousy is initially nothing more than a healthy alarm signal. It alerts us to the danger that someone we love and a relationship we need may fall apart. "Basically, this is not a bad thing, but rather a sign of the connection that we feel with our partner," says the psychologist.

No love without jealousy?

On the other hand, if someone is never jealous, the reverse conclusion is obvious: there is simply no longer any connection. Krüger says: "If love has cooled down, there is usually no jealousy." But not only then. There may be another reason for emotional indifference: "It may be that whoever is never jealous simply has no ability to be jealous." This inability to be jealous is a phenomenon that was originally more common in men than women . "As a result of emancipation, it also happens that women show so-called masculinity structures and also try to switch off their jealousy more or less successfully," said expert Krüger.

Those who are jealous feel weak

Most of the time, those affected simply try to suppress the feeling. “If you feel jealousy, this feeling shows that your own happiness and well-being depend on your partner. And it is precisely this dependency that troubles some. They do not want to admit their emotional dependence or even see them as a sign of weakness. ”For such personalities, it is emotionally more pleasant to control the jealousy than to catch yourself feeling the dependence.

Consequences of a lack of jealousy

However, this emotional attempt to escape usually does not pay off. A lack of jealousy also has an effect on the relationship: “The partner who is never feared may no longer feel important enough. He will lose the feeling of uniqueness that otherwise keeps a couple relationship so stable. The amazing thing about it: If the partner who feels unimportant flees into an affair, the "unjealous one" usually falls completely out of the clouds. "People who suppress their jealousy often overlook the warning signs and are completely off their socks when their partner cheats on them."

Why jealousy is good

How important the subject of jealousy is is shown by the fact that not only couples are concerned with it, but a whole society, especially in the 1970s. The psychologist explains: “Free love was propagated in the student movement. Jealousy was a nuisance here. One wanted to try to do away with this troublemaker collectively. However, this has not caught on. Jealousy cannot be done away with. And mostly not suppress it either. ”On the contrary: We need jealousy on the one hand to see our uniqueness and importance confirmed and on the other hand to have a warning sign when the stability of our (relationship) life begins to falter.

The dose makes the poison

So jealousy makes perfect sense. At least as long as it is within a healthy range. Krüger explains: “On this point too, jealousy can be compared to fear. In a mild context, these feelings help us recognize a threat. If they occur excessively, however, they literally become bad advisors and eat away at our soul and mostly also our relationship life. It is therefore important to find the golden mean - as always in life. "