How did you stop being thin

BitterSweet10
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Sun Jun 06, 2010 18:53

not wanting to be slim, but rather thin (possibly triggering)

# 1by BitterSweet10
Honestly:
In all efforts and attempts to get healthy, getting / being thin is still my top priority.
At the moment I have gained weight again and after a phase of little cats + relatively normal eating I lose all self-control again and slide into the eating. The result is that I hate myself for every bite and then just want to lie in bed crying. In the meantime I don't lose any more weight due to the compulsive vomiting, even more because I stuff more into myself in between ...

Even when I was in my stat. Thera should set the target weight, I have always emphasized that I want to be thin and not slim. Is that actually so abnormal? In the meantime I have doubts about the line between "pay particular attention to a healthy diet" and "disordered eating". I notice more and more people who pay extreme attention to everything and yes: even vomit every now and then. Even my parents, objectively speaking, have no "normal" eating behavior, nothing to eat all day and in the evening everything is shoveled in (but without giving a thought to it). What is still normal anyway?

I don't know either, my head is so full again, I just wanted to get rid of it ...
"... whoever has sore knees is either bulimic or a prostitute"
ItalyAngel
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Fri May 14, 2010 8:34 PM

Re: not wanting to be slim, but rather thin (possibly triggering)

# 2by ItalyAngel
Hey, I know exactly what you mean and what's going on in your head. You always ask yourself how do I get healthy, what does being healthy mean, how do you feel when you are really healthy? and then you look around and see what others are doing, how they live, how they eat, how they look and how they talk about it and you think ....: somehow everyone is eating disorders. The more I try to copy something from others to get it right, the more I get the feeling that everyone has a problem. Nobody around me could be a role model for me in this regard. and then there it is again ... Are there any people who eat thoughtlessly? without thinking about it? At the weekend I was dancing and there I look a lot at the other women and compare and observe and then again and again women fall on me who stand there and look at the slim legs etc of the other women (sometimes even hateful) and I mean, looking at it, reading what I think the whole time ... and you can see that very nicely in everyday life ... and you get the feeling that everyone works like us ... and yes I think everyone wants to be thin ... those who are, emphasize it is the genes (mM after doubtful) and those who would like to be, well ... who despair and fight for it
Petzi
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Re: not wanting to be slim, but rather thin (possibly triggering)

# 3by Petzi
Hello!!!

Ohhhh yes, I can understand you sooo well !!!
I also always have the urge to ask my husband: "Do I have that figure too?" And if he says - no, go please - then I'm totally happy because she has a bit of a butt or a stomach or something else !!! But I don't think that's bad at all, with others - just not with me, please !!!!

But I actually don't see myself as I really am - apparently the self-image is totally distorted!
I'm in the NG, but when someone asks me how much I weigh and I answer, I always hear - you don't believe that at all! Zack - I get a guilty conscience right away - I'm FAT after all! So starve and throw up !!

And I actually think that a lot of people are eating disorders !!!! No matter in which direction !!!

Beautiful holiday!!
Petzi
joliana
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Re: not wanting to be slim, but rather thin (possibly triggering)

# 4by joliana
I can't really say anything about what it means to want to be thin. I wanted to do that too ... because I wanted to be graceful and beautiful, because I wanted to be admired, you know that. but all of this was just an expression of my impaired body awareness. and meanwhile I don't want it anymore - and I don't think thin people are beautiful either ... the perfect woman's body is slim for me, but with bust size, a bit of a stomach and a nice bottom. to be seen as an expression of your ES. but that is apparently really the personal perception of each individual ...

As for "healthy and normal eating": those who vomit every now and then have just as much a problem as we do. not that big maybe, but still a problem. just like someone who is disproportionately totally drunk. he's not an alcoholic yet, but something is still wrong (in my opinion) with him.
and yes, almost every woman has dieted and is dissatisfied with her body. but that's a big difference from what we do. Here comes the addiction comparison again, but this time the other way around: anyone who smokes a cigarette once a week, simply because he feels like it, but can skip it at any time, is not a smoker either.

you have to honestly ask yourself: do you want to be thin or do you want to be healthy? if you want to be thin rather than healthy, then you cannot get out of the ES. But the IT will destroy you, and apart from that you will not lose weight with it, as you are just noticing. I can't write more about this than that it's your own decision ...
BitterSweet10
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Re: not wanting to be slim, but rather thin (possibly triggering)

# 5by BitterSweet10
That's exactly what it is. The point that we vomit is the only determining factor in the official eating disorder. Everything else: starving for days (zero diet / fasting for the others), FA's (overeating / overeating for the others) etc. ... is somehow everywhere present. Why are they all doing sports? 90% certainly not just because it's so fun. The pursuit of the perfect THIN body / with men probably being well trained is somehow everywhere. For some it goes in one direction, others slide into obesity / being chubby / diabetes blablabla.

I also know the constant comparison ... that's why I don't go away anymore. Sometimes I walk up to a traffic light totally cramped and stand there like a confused little child because all I can think of is that every damned driver is staring at me ...

Even if these PERMANENT thoughts slowly eat away at my brain and something like that is probably not the case with others, I think the rest is difficult to classify as normal or abnormal ...
"... whoever has sore knees is either bulimic or a prostitute"
BitterSweet10
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Re: not wanting to be slim, but rather thin (possibly triggering)

# 6by BitterSweet10
joliana wrote:
you have to honestly ask yourself: do you want to be thin or do you want to be healthy? if you want to be thin rather than healthy, then you cannot get out of the ES. color]


Exactly this sentence ... why can't I be both? I guess I kind of understand what you're telling me, but is there really only one choice? How do everyone else manage to be thin AND healthy? Do you know what I mean? Do not be angry
"... whoever has sore knees is either bulimic or a prostitute"
ItalyAngel
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Fri May 14, 2010 8:34 PM

Re: not wanting to be slim, but rather thin (possibly triggering)

# 7by ItalyAngel
my therapist would now come back with the set-point theory ^^ accept as you are ... as it is in the genes, so to speak ... but that is difficult-damn difficult ...

but I have to contradict you on one point. I think that passing is not the only point about the "official eating disorder" and everything else like starving and so on can also be awarded to everyone else in the world because it exists everywhere.
Since I've been in therapy, I've at least not managed to k **** as often, but I do not think that I am now healthy without the k **** or that I am just as knitted as the ones who don't diet doing or fasting .... I would even say that it made my IT worse.

Or maybe I just misunderstood you
BitterSweet10
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Re: not wanting to be slim, but rather thin (possibly triggering)

# 8by BitterSweet10
my therapist would now come back with the set-point theory ^^ accept as you are ... as it is in the genes, so to speak ... but that is difficult-damn difficult ...
that’s also a thing ... I’m typical for me in this regard. also drifted forever through the www and read more and more often that you can change this setpoint weight, supposedly it changes as soon as you keep the same weight for 9 months ... But I also run after every opportunity to lose weight (which, by the way, slowly really unhealthy degenerate -.-)

No, you have already understood me correctly ^^ And I think I have to agree with you .. I mean, before I started vomiting, it was almost EVEN worse than now ... unfortunately you just don't know what goes on in other people's heads ^^
"... whoever has sore knees is either bulimic or a prostitute"
joliana
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Re: not wanting to be slim, but rather thin (possibly triggering)

# 9by joliana
I would be interested in who are "everyone else"? What kind of environment do you find yourself in, that all women around you are thin? that is not the average figure
BitterSweet10 wrote:Everything else: starving for days (zero diet / fasting for the others), FA's (overeating / overeating for the others) etc. ... is somehow everywhere present.
I don't see it that way. at least i have the impression that the general opinion is exactly the opposite. zero diets and co. are frowned upon. when then "healthy weight loss" is in vogue. i don't have a single girlfriend (and we're already talking about something like that) who talks about using such methods or having binge eating. if then I would worry. because that's not normal!

and i keep contradicting you about the "perfect thin body". i don't believe that so many people strive for it and that so many people do sports just because of it. i think doing sport is simply fashionable, combined with a healthy lifestyle. yes, many want to lose weight with exercise - but many just do it because it is good for the body. I belong to that too. my sporting activity has multiplied in the last few years (from 0 ) and exactly with my will to fight against the ES. i don't do super strenuous gym work, but what I really enjoy, cycling, swimming, etc. and i do it because i have the feeling that it just makes me fitter, not that it makes me slimmer. this is my motivation and i want to claim (at least that's what I hear from friends) that this is the motivation of many ...
BitterSweet10
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Re: not wanting to be slim, but rather thin (possibly triggering)

# 10by BitterSweet10
joliana wrote:I would be interested in who are "everyone else"? What kind of environment do you find yourself in that all women around you are thin? that is not the average figure
BitterSweet10 wrote:Everything else: starving for days (zero diet / fasting for the others), FA's (overeating / overeating for the others) etc. ... is somehow everywhere present.
I don't see it that way. at least i have the impression that the general opinion is exactly the opposite. zero diets and co. are frowned upon. when then "healthy weight loss" is in vogue. i don't have a single girlfriend (and we're already talking about something like that) who talks about using such methods or having binge eating. if then I would worry. because that's not normal!

and i keep contradicting you about the "perfect thin body". i don't believe that so many people strive for it and that so many people do sports just because of it. i think doing sport is simply fashionable, combined with a healthy lifestyle. yes, many want to lose weight with exercise - but many just do it because it is good for the body. I am one of them. my sporting activity has multiplied in the last few years (from 0 ) and exactly with my will to fight against the ES. i don't do super strenuous gym work, but what I really enjoy doing, cycling, swimming, etc. and i do it because i have the feeling that it just makes me fitter, not that it makes me slimmer. this is my motivation and i want to claim (at least that's what I hear from friends) that this is the motivation of many ...
I meant that very generalized ^^ Sure, the average is absolutely not. And pretty much everything is represented in my circle of friends and acquaintances. But there must be thin AND healthy women, I can hardly imagine that anyone who is thin is bound to have an eating disorder.

The thing about sports ... you may be right. And I have a lot of respect for the fact that you have come from 0 to 100 when it comes to doing sports ... Personally, I'm just stinking lazy (plus the fear of being watched and rated). For me it would be personal for reasons of weight loss. And the girls I know only exercise to burn calories. But the prospect that it can somehow be fun is somehow motivating. Albeit absurd to me at the moment
"... whoever has sore knees is either bulimic or a prostitute"
joliana
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Re: not wanting to be slim, but rather thin (possibly triggering)

# 11by joliana
BitterSweet10 wrote:But there must be thin AND healthy women, I can hardly imagine that anyone who is thin is bound to have an eating disorder.
of course there are. And there are even supposed to be thin women who want to gain weight, I also know one ... who was always very thin and was absolutely dissatisfied with it. just because today's ideal of beauty tends towards the thin body, there are many more women who want to lose weight than want to lose weight. But as I said, in my opinion the "ideal diet" has already returned to a healthy lifestyle, and starvation is frowned upon.
some women have such a body and some have one. The focus should always be on living healthy and feeling good. and I claim that it would be the same with you as with most eating disorders ... would you ever reach your dream weight (emphasis on "ever", because as we all know, bulimia puts a spanner in the works), wouldn't you be happier with it either. by then you would be anorexic. so much pain and anger, for what?

i can't say so much about sport now ... it wasn't that difficult for me to start - but giving you tips for it now is also rather counterproductive, i think, because, as you write yourself, you are sport would only see it as part of a diet. That sounds kind of patronizing now, I hope you know how I mean it.
lientje
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Re: not wanting to be slim, but rather thin (possibly triggering)

# 12by lientje
BitterSweet10 wrote:
joliana wrote:
you have to honestly ask yourself: do you want to be thin or do you want to be healthy? if you want to be thin rather than healthy, then you cannot get out of the ES. color]


Exactly this sentence ... why can't I be both? I guess I kind of understand what you're telling me, but is there really only one choice? How do everyone else manage to be thin AND healthy? Do you know what I mean? Do not be angry


I've just skimmed the subject now. But I would like to write something about this! First of all: I am still very far from being or becoming healthy, I know that and I am very aware of that. If I compare my frequent vomiting and eating attacks spread over the day with today, I am not exactly satisfied, but more reassured. At some point I decided to at least reduce it and even managed to do it to a certain extent.

So, I am writing that because I want to say one thing.I gained a lot of weight during the time when I reduced my Fas and that afterwards and started again to make at least two meals a day 'normal'. I have, but meanwhile even lost weight again and there is not much missing and I have the weight back that I had during my worst IT time (when it was really only about starvation and vomiting). AND THAT JUST BECAUSE I HAVE REDUCED IT !!
I mean to say that you can have both. But first you have to get well ... right ...!
BitterSweet10
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Re: not wanting to be slim, but rather thin (possibly triggering)

# 13by BitterSweet10
I gained a lot of weight during the time when I reduced my Fas and that afterwards and started again to make at least two meals a day 'normal'. I have, but meanwhile even lost weight again and there is not much missing and I have the weight back that I had during my worst IT time (when it was really only about starvation and vomiting). AND THAT JUST BECAUSE I HAVE REDUCED IT !!
That's exactly where I had already reached ... started to eat normally, gained weight, almost freaked out but persevered to some extent ... then slowly lost weight again despite relatively normal amounts of food (according to my approximate daily need for calories) ... and then .. well. Then the weight stagnated at a point that was still too high for me. And now the whole shit starts all over again ...

Nevertheless, I'm of course happy for you lientje that things are going so well for you, please don't get me wrong
"... whoever has sore knees is either bulimic or a prostitute"
lientje
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Re: not wanting to be slim, but rather thin (possibly triggering)

# 14by lientje
Oh, what am I supposed to get wrong? .
Yes, that is a stupid feeling when it just doesn't go down any further (weight), I know that. But I mean, maybe that's your weight, too, what your body thinks is normal ... your set point, stop. I know it's very difficult to just accept that, but you won't be able to do anything else at some point. I have / had phases where the weight just didn't want to go down and could have gone crazy. I still get really angry when I've only gained a few grams, but only for a moment and then try to think 'it's not that bad!'. You have to look at it all more loosely. I also think that negative thinking can cause slight fluctuations in weight. Negative stress, which we create ourselves because of the weight, leads to the release of cortisol and thus the appetite also increases ... and then inevitably also the weight. So I understand your thoughts in relation to bulimia ... and this shifted thinking, which thoughts result from it and so on, BUT what makes you different as a person if you are not thin as a leaf and instead a normal womanly one Figure you have? Would you then be different in terms of behavior? Or would you have less fun and then couldn't laugh as much? Would friends not accept you then?
I think all of this is not weight related. I think we have to be clear in general, a low weight doesn't change us! Has nothing to do with how and what we are. I know I can say it so easily now (sometimes I think differently), but we still have to make it clear to ourselves that you cannot define a person using a weight and, above all, that we do not define ourselves by it.
Then the weight stagnated at a point that was still too high for me. And now the whole shit starts all over again ...
I know just keep going where you left off is hard. But who is telling you that you haven't lost weight yet? Sometimes it just takes time. Even with normal weight loss, it is still the case that you lose weight faster at first and then more and more slowly. But as I said the weight is NOT EVERYTHING !!
Nevertheless, I'm of course happy for you lientje that things are going so well for you, please don't get me wrong
^^ my weight stayed the same for almost a month ... then increased briefly ... and then lost more (through a lot of exercise and normal food ... which makes me really crazy on some days) AND THE FAS are still there ... so I'm a long way from 'running well' .

LG Lientje
Rachel
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Mon May 08, 2006 8:33 pm

Re: not wanting to be slim, but rather thin (possibly triggering)

# 15by Rachel
Hey Bittersweet,

I think the desire to be thin and not just slim is normal and somehow understandable and initially completely okay. I don't see anything "pathological" in the Wuinsch itself. When I look at photos from my "thinnest time", I still find myself beautiful in these photos, even more beautiful than today with NG. I think a lot of people would pick a weight somewhere in the basement if they could choose their body just like that.

The crucial difference for me today is: I still want to be very thin somewhere, but I no longer want to be at any cost! When I look at the photos from back then, I also know how much I suffered at the time, how hungry I was constantly, how unbalanced, how much my body craved for food and how aggressive I was because I was constantly up have given up everything. And it just wouldn't be worth it to me today. I can still get happy without ever reaching that weight again.

For me, the longing for being thin today is a bit like the desire to be rich. Of course it would be nice to have more money. I would be happy if I suddenly got a lot of money, but I don't want a lot of money at any cost. It is absolutely okay if it stays the way it is.